Life?

Finally, after such a long time I'm back here adding something new into my blog archive. It's been years since I last typed. Quite a weird feeling I am having right now actually. Though, it is not anything extraordinary, remarkable or special to jot down. Just a random TFIOS' aftermath, and Guardians of The Galaxy of course. Surprisingly after weeks of longing and craving for the new movie 'The Fault In Our Stars' which is going viral among the girl friends especially, I watched it today. With my little brother. Aww so romantic don't you think? Ughh.

So we watched Guardians of the Galaxy first. As usual, again, watching this kind of blockbuster action movie always lifts up my warrior spirit, being so on fire where a strong voice in my head keeps telling me to train myself up, have some core muscles exercises, attend some marshal arts training sessions and etc. All just to be fit (and sexy) with cool actions of kicking and boxing and rolling from top of the hills to the underground drains. Sounds awesome right? Well at least the thought stays for 30 minutes. I'm proud enough for that :p Somehow regardless how different these movies' plots and story-lines are from one another, one thing for sure which connects every common parts up to me; is the reminder to Live as a fighter, Die as a fighter. There's no guarantee that we will survive or get through the hardships in life, yet without trying definitely there will be no hope for tomorrow thus, I will never go down without trying. Even if death is the sequel. It is my life motto and inspirational motivation for now, and I'll keep it as long as I could.

Then we moved on to the latter movie, TFIOS with high anticipation that I will be touched and melt down by the love affairs and sentimental affections of new Romeo and Juliet story in the 20th century. And I didn't cry, not as much as I thought I would, not as crazy as I was when I watched Spiderman 3 and Harry died in the embrace of Peter Parker. Somehow, it drags me into a different perspective, a different way of looking at this world, a different love than I was waiting for. Being in love is the silliest matter on earth, also the simplest and happiest. "It is my privilege to have my heart broken by you", "It is not about being in love widely, but being in love deeply" says Augustus Waters.

When death has become an appointed guest and there is no where else we could run to but to face it, that is when we are vulnerable, I guess. I used to not afraid of death, now neither, because I believe that leaving the life on earth to have eternal live with God in His kingdom is the best thing ever could happen in lives. Then it struck my mind, how about those who were left behind? Just like when dad left, just like when we are left behind in this realistic cruel world. No. I wouldn't want that to happen again, not to my family members and closed friends, not if I could control the plots of my life, and I know it is impossible. None of us know what will happen tomorrow. What have happened lately; planes crushed, wars, gas explosion.. The increasing number of deaths has somehow naturally being accepted by everyone that life is pathetically unpredictable and uncontrollable. Indeed, life is a unresolved mystery and we are all part of this chess game trying our very best luck to stay till the end. No matter how hard we try, we are just mortals, full of emotions, fatal weaknesses and flaws, but yet that's what makes us special. That's what makes us one of a kind, leaving marks in places and people's hearts in our own ways, being someone irreplaceable. Every morning we wake up to uncertainties of losing someone we care, of making mistakes, of missing out the golden opportunities for something better off. It scares us, but it's the presence of fear, that what makes us feel alive, no? It has becomes an ultimate reason for us to fight, to stay in this battle a little longer, to triumph over the enemies and to gain victory in life. I would never know what will happen tomorrow no matter how hard I pray for the supernatural power of foreseeing future. But all that I have learnt all this while, is to treasure today, right now, this very moment. There's nothing else I could ask for, the only thing I am longing for is to able to breathe in air into my normal-functioning lungs for the next seconds, and stay alive. That's ultimately the sole way to make dreams come true; to travel all around the world; to savor amazing foods; to fall in love relentlessly, rebelliously, ironically, romantically and which ever other ways a love story could be.
Till then, I will keep fighting to stay in this life battle and equipping myself for the right one.

For Dad, thank you for fighting your battle vigorously, bravely. Thank you for being my guardian angel and brought me to this beautiful world with Mom. It wasn't about how long time we spent together, but how deep we're connected to one another, even we're different worlds apart, that's love I believe.

With Loves,
Yelena Yeong.